70 Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

Funny Golf Quotes: The vast majority of funny golf ball sayings and golf expressions are quotes from various sources that have great relevance to what you may witness on the golf course – or what you may be thinking! Perhaps it’s the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires. Consequently, being armed with a library of golf tales, jokes, funny sayings, and quotes is never a bad thing to throw them out as and when the situation demands.

Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

  • “My good shot just sailed over your lack of ambition.” ~ George Lopez, to Anthony Anderson
  • “It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” ~ Hank Aaron
  • “Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.” ~ Buddy Hackett
  • “I must have done some awful things in a past life for my golf game to get this type of karma.” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “I showed up but my golf game didn’t.” ~ Beth daniel
  • “When you should be able to find your ball but can’t, and your buddy says to take a free drop. Don’t mind if I do.” ~ Anonymous
  • “The difference between a sand trap and a water hazard is the difference between a car crash and an airplane crash. You have a chance of recovering from a car crash.” ~ Bobby jones
  • “I put more balls in the water than the men’s Olympic swim team.” ~ George Lopez
  • “When you’re having a terrible round and your buddy asks what you got on the last hole… I don’t give a shit.” ~ Anonymous
  • “Around the clubhouse, they’ll tell you that even god has to practice his putting. Even Nicklaus does.” ~ Jim Murray

Funny Quotes About Golf

  • “Most new sets of golf clubs still include three-irons-even though most regular golfers would get more from a second umbrella.” ~ David Owen
  • “If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don’t have to waste energy going back to pick it up.” ~ Tommy bolt
  • “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” ~ Gerald r. Ford
  • “Given the number of things that can go wrong, there is no way to get them all right.” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “Golf is a game in which perfection stays just out of reach.” ~ Betsy Rawls
  • “It is often said that if a golfer’s mind is somewhere else while he is playing, it will show up most clearly in his putting.” ~ Gary player
  • “I don’t enjoy playing video golf because there is nothing to throw.” ~ Paul Azinger
  • “I carry two putters to let the first one know it better behave itself as it has competition.” ~ Larry nelson
  • “Wouldn’t it be nice if the cost of golf clubs were like rental cars? You pay based on distance.” ~ Marc ostrofsky

Best Golf Jokes

  • “Follow through: the part of the swing that takes place after the ball has been hit, but before the club has been thrown.” ~ Henry beard
  • “Bad golf shots are like infomercials. ‘But wait, there’s more!’” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “Reverse every instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do as you will probably come very close to having the perfect golf swing.” ~ Ben hogan
  • “The only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And it took a seven to do that.” ~ Jim Murray
  • “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” ~ Jack Lemmon
  • “I got some new golf clubs for my wife. Gee, I wish I could make a trade like that.” ~ Anonymous
  • “Lord, give me tequila to deal with the shots I can affect and more tequila to deal with the shots I can’t.” ~ Beverle ostrofsky
  • “Ever wonder if the golf gods need to smoke after fucking you on the course?
  • “Lost: one confident putting stroke. Last seen about six weeks ago. Reward if found.” ~ Anonymous

Funny Golf Sayings and Quotes

  • “You are similar to my golf ball… Neither of you listens when I talk to you.” ~ Anonymous
  • “I hate golf. I hate golf. I hate golf. Nice shot! I love golf.” ~ Anonymous
  • “I’ve got all the shots in my bag. I’m just not sure which one will appear at any given moment!” ~ Dave Stockton, jr.
  • “Talking to a golf ball won’t do you any good unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off.” ~ Bruce Lansky
  • “I think I’ll go cold turkey in the end and build golf courses. I’ll torture other people.” ~ David Feherty
  • “My handicap, my weight, and my wife are the only three things in my life that won’t go down.” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “Golf is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.” ~ Tommy armor
  • “Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill-adapted for the purpose.” ~ Woodrow Wilson
  • “Fairway: a narrow strip of mown grass that separates two groups of golfers looking for lost balls in the rough.” ~ Henry beard

Funniest Golf Quotes

  • “The reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” ~ Phyllis Diller
  • “Baseball reveals character; golf exposes it.” ~ Ernie banks
  • “Many golfers prefer a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.” ~ Anonymous
  • “It looks like an octopus falling out of a tree.” ~ David Feherty
  • “It’s amazing how many people beat you at golf when you’re no longer president.” ~ George h.w. Bush
  • “I owe everything to golf. Where else could a guy with an IQ like mine make this much money?” ~ Hubert green
  • “No man has mastered golf until he realizes that his good shots are accidents and his bad shots are good exercise.” ~ Eugene black
  • “I’ve thrown or broken a few clubs in my day. I guess at one time or another I probably held distance records for every club in the bag.” ~ Tommy bolt
  • “If golf wasn’t my living, I wouldn’t play it if you paid me.” ~ Christy O’Connor, sr.
  • “Golf course architects can’t play golf themselves and make damn sure no one else can.” ~ Anonymous

Funny Golf One Liners

  • “I’ve seen lifelong friends drift apart over golf just because one could play better but the other counted better.” ~ Stephen Leacock
  • “Golf and women are a lot alike. You know you are not going to wind up with anything but grief, but you can’t resist the impulse.” ~ Jackie Gleason
  • “Even the optimistic golfer carries a ball retriever.” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “Behind every successful pga golfer is a surprised mother-in-law.” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “If you call on god to improve the results of a shot while it is still in motion, you are using ‘an outside agency’ and subject to appropriate penalties under the rules of golf.” ~ Henry Longhurst
  • “Driving 300 yards will only be accomplished in my lifetime by sitting behind the wheel of a golf cart!” ~ Brian Rott, owner of the cart mart
  • “Most people play a fair game of golf. if you watch them.” ~ Joey Adams
  • “It is more satisfying to be a bad player at golf. The worse you play, the better you remember the occasional good shot.” ~ Nubar Gulbenkian
  • “I told my wife I lost 250 calories on the golf course today. While I was teeing off, a squirrel took my chocolate chip cookies.” ~ Marc ostrofsky
  • “I’m into golf now. I’m getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs.” ~ Bob Ettinger
  • “Golf is played by 20 million mature american men whose wives think they are out having fun.” ~ Anonymous
  • “The difference between a whiff and a practice swing is that nobody curses after a practice swing.” ~ Anonymous
70 Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to top