Sarcastic quotes about love are funny but they’re also true. It’s easier to express our feelings to other people by being sarcastic. Love is a blind whore with mental disease and no sense of humor.
1. “I don’t mean to interrupt people I just randomly remember things & get really excited”
2. “Sarcasm the witty will have fun, but the stupid won’t get it.”
3. “Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.”
4. “I’m never sure if I actually have free time or if I just keep forgetting shit.”
5. “Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”
6. “I am me. I don’t pretend to be like everyone else. I don’t want to be like everyone else. And I will not change who I am just to “fit in”.”
7. “When someone says: “Expect the unexpected” slap them and say: “You didn’t expect that, did you?”
8. “I always mean what I say… … I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.”
9. “If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something bad. If you see me laughing it’s because I already have.”
10. “Honestly, I don’t even play an active role in my life anymore… Things just happen & I’m like “Oh, is this what we’re doing now? Ok.”
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11. “If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.”
12. “Sweetie, pm gonna need you to put those few remaining brain cells together and work with me here, okay?”
13. “While y’all ready to go back to work, party, eat out and open the country. Make sure you have life insurance. I’m not funding shit.”
14. “I think I’m emotionally constipated, I have not given a shit in days.”
15. “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
16. “Two things I know I can make. Pretty kids and people mad”
17. “There’s no “We” in fries.”
18. “Not a single one of my multiple personalities likes you”
19. “What does it mean if the holy water sizzles when it hits your skin? Asking for a friend.”
20. “I try to be a nice person… but sometimes my mouth doesn’t cooperate.”
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21. “Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than dinner for two.”
22. “A sleeping baby is the new “Happy hour””
23. “Smiling doesn’t necessarily mean you’re happy. Sometimes it just means you’re strong. Happiness is obtainable again so hold on never give up”
24. “Aliens probably ride past earth and lock their doors….”
25. “Final countdown to win our yoga gift set check out our feed”
26. “My ex had one very annoying habit. Breathing.”
27. “Stupidity comes in all shapes and sizes. Some of them even look like people!”
28. “Man walks into a bar…. Lucky bastard..”
29. “I am a nice person. Just don’t push the bitch button.”
30. “If I ever get murdered, just know that I talked shit until the bitter end”
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31. “Sarchotic: [adj.] When you’re so sarcastic, people aren’t sure whether you’re joking or whether you’re just crazy.”
32. “Not to brag or anything but I can forget what I’m doing while I’m doing it.”
33. “I’m allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm.”
34. “Am I a good person? Nope. But do I try to make myself a better human being? Also nope.”
35. “Have you ever listened to someone talk and wondered who ties their shoelaces for them?”
36. “My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.”
37. “I hate when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.”
38. “I’m a happy go lucky ray of fucking sunshine”
39. “Before you go any further today is not the day. And I am not the one.”
40. “I want you to know that someone cares not me, but someone”
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41. “Me: “Is it weird to talk to yourself?” Me: “No.””
42. “Sarcasm: Just one of the many services I offer”
43. “You’d be in good shape…if you run as much as your mouth.”
44. “Fool me once. Fuck you forever… period.”
45. “Some people should be dipped in vagisil maybe then they wouldn’t be such irritating cunts”
46. “Me when a beautiful girl asks for a seat”
47. “Dear Lord, please grant me the ability to punch people over the internet.”
48. “Let us remind ourselves again that the second amendment of our constitution should be referred to as the statute of liberty”
49. “ “Did you just fall?” “No. I attacked the floor.” “Backwards?” “I’m freaking talented!”
50. “I am not always rude and sarcastic, sometimes I’m sleeping.”
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51. “I don’t like morning people or mornings or people”
52. “I hope I never go to jail because I haven’t memorized a phone number since 2001.”
53. “I have the world’s largest collection of seashells, you may have seen it, I keep it scattered on beaches all over.”
54. “My character was kidnapped by the terminator and I was kidnapped by the terminator production.”
55. “Left lane ends to go ahead pull your huge SUV in at the last minute everyone is ok with it”
56. “The trouble with living alone is that it’s always my turn to do the dishes”
57. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.”
58. “Admit nothing. Deny everything. Make counter-accusations.”
59. “ Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comfortable. Suicide hotline, please hold.”
60. “I hate how after an argument, I think about more cleaver pieces of stuff I could’ve said”
Top Funny Sarcastic Quotes Will Make Your Day
61. “Captions for attitude Pics of boys * If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams. – Les brown * Take time as it comes, the wind as it blows, woman as she is. – Alfred de Musset * Magic is believing in yourself, if you can do that, you can make anything happen. – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe * Be proud of who you are. – Eminem”
62. “I’m like a flower. A flower with a shit ton of thorns. I look nice and sweet but if you fuck with me I will stab you.”
63. “It would be significantly easier to wish you a happy birthday if you were on Facebook.”
64. “Ultimately, I just want someone who knows which songs not to talk over.”
65. “Sarcastic Quotes 1. I’m not good at empathy, will you settle for sarcasm? 2. Your village called. They want their idiot back. 3. Stupid should be painful. 4. There are only two people I trust. One of them. The other’s not you. 5. I’ve upped my standards. Now up yours. 6. If you love it, not it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, hunt it down and shock it. 7. If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving ain’t for you. 8. If at first, you don’t succeed, chest, repeat until caught, they lie. 9. If at first, you don’t succeed, erase all evidence that you tried. 10. The voices in my head say you have serious issues. 11. For sales one set of morals … never used … will sell cheaply. 12. Very funny Scotty. Now team down my clothes. 13. Why be difficult, when with a bit of effect, you can be impossible? 14. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. 15. Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge. 16. Come to the dark side, we have occupies. 17. If it weren’t for physics, and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable. 18. Can’t sleep. The clowns won’t let me. 19. The beatings will continue until morale improves. 20. Change is good. You go first.”
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Read through these funny sarcastic quotes that express what you really feel on the inside. Daily snappy, sassy and sarcastic funny quotes that will have you in tears! Be sure to share with others to help give them a laugh as well!
